Awal dari sebuah kisah

Sepenggal kisah awal dari sebuah cerita...

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Ceritanya berawal di suatu hari yang cerah..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Ketika itu langit yg biasanya tertutup awan, kini nampak biru..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Sinar matahari yg biasanya enggan tuk menyapa, kini tampak gembira berkilau diantara sisa embun pagi yang menetes di dedaunan..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Sungguh sebuah pagi yg sempurna tuk memulai dan membangun kembali..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Reruntuhan puing harapan yang terserak diantara mimpi malam panjang..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Disana, di samping kolam ikan yang berhias bunga bunga, duduk seorang pria yang tersenyum bahagia..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Wajahnya terlihat cerah, secerah hari itu, secerah rasa yg terpancar melalui senyum dan pandangan matanya.. Secerah lembaran baru di hatinya.. Ya, dia sedang jatuh cinta..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Lewat sudah hari2 sendiri dalam sedih.. Lewat sudah hari2 tanpa rasa.. Hari ini hari baru, hari dimana dia merasa bahagia.. Hari dimana dia nggak mau peduli sama yg tlah lewat.. Hari dimana hanya ada aku, dia, dan cinta..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Duduk bersandar di kursi bambu, terlihat dia sibuk dengan bb nya.. Sembari sesekali tersenyum sendiri, seolah keindahan bunga2 di pagi itu terasa kurang indah jika dibanding dengan hatinya yg sedang berbunga..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Hari ini, rasa yg tlah lama mati di hatinya, terkubur bersama kisah panjang penuh nestapa.. Penuh dengan lika-liku luka.. Kini seolah tak pernah terjadi.. Kini seolah semua tlah terhapus sudah, terganti bayang wajah seorang cinta... Tulus murni putih suci..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Seolah seseorang berbisik di telinganya, nev.. Will you let your foolish heart to fall again this time? Don't you think it is a wise decision to put your heart into a vulnerable place and situation?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Will you take the risk on falling for someone without knowing for sure on whether the feeling was felt in a reciprocal way?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Don't u realize that u have enough pain already.. Why take the risk to add more of it?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Better don't play with fire, if you don't want to be consumed by it.. Don't u think Nev?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : This is one thing I hate about you, that is when you fall in love, sometimes you just ignore all the facts and follow what heart told you. Don't you know that by doing so, you're insulting me as your brain? Me as the one who can think about sane things, not like heart does.

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Ahh.. Ingin rasanya dia berteriak sekeras2nya.. Ingin rasanya dia tau akan rahasia hati..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Masih terngiang bisikan yang baru saja dia dengar.. Dia tau ada kebenaran dalam kata2 itu.. Namun.. Ketika hati berkata lain..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Hati bilang..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Meski aku berkali kali hancur karena cinta, aku kan tetap yakin.. Bahwa suatu saat nanti akan ada seseorang yg kan menghargai, menjaga, dan mencintaiku..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Hati bilang..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Mungkin dia.. Kenapa takut mencoba.. Bukankah cinta itu anugrah? Bukan tiap hari perasaan ini ada.. Kenapa justru ingin menghindarinya ketika dia hadir?



Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Hari ini, aku mau ikut kata hati.. Hari ini, aku mau coba lagi.. Hari ini, kan ku dengar ketika cinta memanggil.. Walau mungkin nanti ku kan jatuh hancur terhempas oleh kekecewaan, namun hari ini aku mau mencoba tuk sekali lagi jalani kisah ini

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : But world is unfair.. Cinta, aku bertanya.. Mengapa harus dia? Kenapa tidak dengan yang lain..? Apa alasan di balik rasa ini untuknya..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Apakah ini semua terjadi begitu saja, atau apa sengaja cinta memilihnya untukku?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Cinta tau gk sih dia itu siapa? Cinta tau gk sih aku ini siapa? Cinta, apa cinta tau kalo aku dan dia berbeda.. Tapi kenapa.. Kenapa rasa ini begitu menggangguku.. Kenapa semakin ku coba tuk menjauh, semakin erat engkau menjerat hati ini..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Cinta tau gk sih dia itu siapa? Cinta tau gk sih aku ini siapa? Cinta, apa cinta tau kalo aku dan dia berbeda.. Tapi kenapa.. Kenapa rasa ini begitu menggangguku.. Kenapa semakin ku coba tuk menjauh, semakin erat engkau menjerat hati ini..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Ahh seandainya saja bisa aku memilih, pasti aku memilih tuk menutup mata akan semua perbedaan yang ada.. Seandainya saja aku bisa memilih, aku mau kog pilih dia.. Hanya.. Itu kan seandainya.. Kenyataan justru terkadang kejam dan tak sejalan.. Tapi cinta, andai kamu bisa menjawab, hanya satu yg ingin aku tanyakan.. Mengapa harus dia?

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Mengapa harus dia yang menghiasi malam ketika ku memandang bintang2.. Mengapa harus dia yang kurasakan hangat mendekap ketika semilir angin dingin menerpa.. Mengapa harus dia yang teramat ingin aku miliki namun teramat jauh tuk tergapai asa..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Ku akui hari ini ku telah terjatuh.. Excitement bercampur kegembiraan, bercampur dengan luapan perasaan yang sukar terlukiskan.. Namun, apakah dia tau yang aku rasakan? Apakah dia tau bahwa semenjak hari ini hati ini telah memilihnya.. Atau pantaskah hati ini berbisik lirih di telinganya tuk mengakui semua.. Apakah yang akan terjadi nanti bila dia tau..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Akankah dia memberiku waktu tuk berbicara, walau hanya tuk sekejap saja.. aku tak akan meminta terlalu banyak, tak pula berharap terlalu tinggi tuk memilikinya.. Aku hanya mau, kalau dia ada waktu, tuk dengarkan aku.. Sepenggal kisah ku, tentang apa dan mengapa, tentang kisah seorang pria yang telah berani jatuh cinta padanya..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Mungkin, pa bila dia sudi mendengarkan.. Mungkin, mungkin yah, kalau seandainya dia mau.. Mungkin, kalau waktu berpihak pada kita, dan kesempatan mau berbaik hati.. Mungkin, bila saatnya nanti tiba, aku kan berdiri di depannya dan berkata.. Ini aku.. Aku yang selama ini diam2 telah mencintaimu..

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Aku janji kan beranikan hati.. Aku janji kan berterus terang.. Kalau memang saatnya tiba nanti, dan waktu berpihak pada kita, dan bila kesempatan itu datang.. Mungkin bila kamu sudi, mungkin.. Ku kan beranikan diri tuk menggapai tangannya, memandang jauh kedalam kedua matanya, dan berkata.. ini aku, berdiri dihadapanmu, tuk kau miliki dan kau jaga selamanya,.

Nevin$ G. MѦ₪Ѧfƺ ‎⌣»̶✽̈˚◦°• : Bersambung.. :p

the best thing in life

Americans told me that the best things in life are free and I agree with them, until I've found you, the one who worth all my love, my tears and my Joy..

I thought the best things in life was seen but then I realized that the best things in life are things unseen that s why we close our eyes when we kiss cry and dream..

I thought the best thing in life was seeing you smile and then I realized that the best thing in life is knowing that I was the reason.

I thought the best thing in life is when I fall in love with you, but later I discovered that the best thing in life is actually when you fall in love and I'm the reason why you're falling..

Xoxo,

Nevins G. Manafe

Gitar

Malam ini ku ambil gitar,
Dari rak usang penuh debu, tua, dan penuh gores kenangan..
Yang selama ini tlah setia disaat sendu,
Yang selama ini tlah setia jadi teman lewati sepi hari..

Malam ini ku coba bersihkan kembali,
Tuk mainkan dawai dawai berkarat..
Yang tlah usang termakan usia..

Ku coba dentangkan itu perlahan,
Mulai dari Satu senar ke senar lainnya..

Namun kali ini bukan nada syahdu,
Namun kali ini bukan isi guratan hati pilu,
Namun kali ini bukan tentang yang tlah berlalu,
Namun kali ini tentang nyanyian hari baru,
Namun kali ini tentang dia yang tlah hapuskan kelabu..

Namun kali ini untuk dia yang tlah mampu,
Kembalikan arti di setiap dawai mu..


Xoxo,

Nevins G. Manafe

Aku Kamu dan Dunia

Edit

Aku Kamu dan Dunia

by Nevins G. Manafe on Sunday, November 28, 2010 at 8:20am

pengen banget bebas dan berteriak untuk ekspresikan perasaan yang ada,
tanpa harus takut apa kata mereka…
pengen banget bebas dan berteriak untuk ungkapkan segala rasa di hati,
tanpa harus bersembunyi dari mereka…

Bukan takut yang menyiksa hati tatkala tak mampuku tuk ungkapkan pada dunia…
Bukan juga mereka yang sesakkan dada dengan segala pendapat dan pola pikirnya…
Namun membendung segala perasaan ini tuk disimpan sendiri yang lebih menyiksa…
Dan membatasi diri tuk lebih mencintamu yang sedikit demi sedikit membunuhku…

Walau tak perlu berteriak ku yakin engkau mengerti yang ku rasakan,
Tapi bukan hanya kamu yang perlu tau kalau ku mencinta,
Ku ingin semua orang tau kalau engkaulah orang yang telah ku pilih…
Biarlah cinta ini bercahaya menerangi kegelapan batas tradisi,
Biarlah cinta ini mewangi semerbak menembusi dinding batas perbedaan….

Xoxo,

Nevins G. Manafe

sorry, but it might not be me...

i knew it when you said someone has shed a light,

it might not be me...

Coz i know the candle that i am holding is not enough...

just not enough to brighten your starry life.

so the next time it crossed your mind,

no, it might not be me that youre looking for..

u've must have mistaken me for another person..

yup, mistaken me for that dream dude riding a white horse wearing a crown with a charming smile.

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

let fate decides and let time prove

tonight was an awesome night,
it just that, its without you...

me disappointed? i should
but i prefer not to..
coz it wont bring any advantages for my self,

im a person that is used to broken promises,
so a promise or not a promise,
it will only be a slight different between the two..

dont promise, let fate decides and let time proves..
on where and when will me see each other again..

till then, just grab on tight on what youre doing now,
coz maybe in the end, thats the only thing worth crying..

this notes bites?
yes, i think so..
but the good thing is..
lover dont just kiss, they bite!



XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

tatkala tak ada dia

hari ini ku duduk sendiri,
pikiranku menerawang jauh melintasi asa,
seakan terus mencari sesuatu tempat yang hilang..
tempat dimana biasa ku tumpahkan semua perasaan ini...
tempat dimana biasa ku berbagi...
tempat dimana biasa ku pergi tuk menangis, tertawa...

kadang ku bertanya,
sebenarnya pernahkah aku mendapat tempat untuk cintamu?
atau aku hanya sekedar gambar tempel di jendela hatimu?
pernahkah engkau sekedar mengajakku masuk ke dalam?
atau aku hanya sekedar penghias pintu..
yang kan lekang termakan panas dan hujan...??

banyak pertanyaan yang hendak ku ajukan,
pertanyaan yang sebenarnya aku sendiri tau jawabannya..
iya, betul.. aku tau benar...
kalau ku memang hanya tempat penyinggahan sementara..
sebelum engkau terbang ke tempat dimana dia berada...
aku tau jawabannya..
hanya diri dan hatiku saat ini belum siap untuk mempercayai..
mempercayai kenyataan yang ada...
kenyataan kalau aku, cuma ada tuk sekedar mengisi sepimu..
tatkala tak ada dia...


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Bukannya Aku...

Bukannya aku pengen bikin kamu penasaran,
sama sekali bukan itu...
Hanya pengen minta sedikit lagi waktu buat aku kenal kamu...

Bukannya aku nggak yakin sama apa yang sedang aku rasakan,
bukan, bukan itu...
Hanya aku pengen yakin sama apa yang kamu rasakan...

Bukannya aku nggak pengen bilang dan ungkapin sama kamu...
beneran deh.. nggak, bukan itu...

Sebelum kesan pertama sama kamu,
memang telah dan sudah aku dengar tentang kamu...
dan aku bisa pastikan kalau yang bilang itu nggak boong...
tapi aku masi nggak percaya...
sampai aku buktikan sendiri...

kalo kamu...
tak terlukiskan dengan kata2..
bahkan lebih dari yang aku dengar selama ini...

hatiku terpaku...
sama kamu...

bukannya aku nggak mau bilang...
tapi kasi sedikit waktu untuk kita...
nikmati bersama suasana ini...

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Love is when..

love is when i just want to see deep into her eyes and get lost in it..
treasure minute after minute..
as if forever will not be enough yet now is the only one i have..

love is when i just call her with no reason at all..
just to hear her voice saying "hello" on the other end of the line..
and feel her smile tho i cannot see her...

love is when i whisper her name on my prayers at night,
asking God to send His angels to guard her for me...
because this two hands of mine has its own limitations...
but not my arms of faith...

love is when i know she will be there,
even if it was late or too late at all, she will be there...
and ill tell her that everything will be OK now, coz shes here...

love is when i feel like writing this notes,
tho i dont have enough courage to tag her...
or even let her know i wrote this for her...
but im hoping so much that she will leave some comments...

love is when you can feel that this note were made specifically for you,
because you are a special person,
who deserve a special attention...
from an ordinary person who knows how to love extraordinarily..


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Today

Jesus, allow me today to once again experience Your words...
Your words that once spoken and things comes into existence..

Your words that once said to Abraham that you will bless those who bless you,
and curse those who curse you..

Your words that once said to Moses,
open your shoes because the ground that you're in is a holy ground..

Your words Master, that once said to David that he is the man of Your own heart...

Your words that told the widow to gave her last bread to Prophet Elijah and promised her that the barrel of meal shall not waste, neither shall the cruse of oil fail..

Your words that told the Roman official to just go back home, because his boy will be all OK...

Your words that turn that water into wine...

Your words that once spoken to the winds and the waves and they stood still...

Your words Lord, that once spoken to call Lazarus to raise from the dead...


Now open my sinful ears Jesus,
to once again hear your powerful words..

open my sinful ears now Father,
to once again hear your powerful words that is able to lift and throw any of my troubles away...

open my sinful ears now Lord,
to hear peace flowing down through Your words...

Bless me and keep me today,
make Your face shine upon me and be gracious unto me..
lift up Your countenance upon me and give me peace..

in the name of Jesus..


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

An answered prayer

nev before your feeling went to far on me,
i think its better for you to take some time,
just to clear your mind..
because i believe that there is someone somewhere,
who can understand you far more than i do...
youre a special person,
and i dont want to hurt you..
thats why its way better for us to stay as friends...

-------------

Thanks for being honest to me, I think I get it..
u jst want to be friends with me and nothing more.
I really appreciate your decision on that,
but its totaly a different story if your decision was based on your doubt towards me,
whether what I felt was real or its just another words play.
Fyi, I'm serious with what I've said and heaven knows that's all nothing but the truth.
But again I'm nt trying to cloud your judgement by writing this message.
Before I went to see you yesterday,
I prayed, Lord if it wasn't her, then please stop all this now.

I think I got the answer for my prayer today..

-------------

Honey,
she said that i cant get over you yet,
was it true?

am i not allowed to fall in love with anyone else but you?

am i too attached with my past,
that now i am not allowed to thread into my future?

was the dream lasted for so long,
even after youre gone??

-------------

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Padahal dah pengen lupain

Jujur aja, padahal gw dah pengen lupain loe...
karena sebener nya gk terlalu sulit buat itu...
karena kita juga belum terlalu banyak kenangan bersama,
semenjak gw merasakan rasa itu...

seharusnya gk harus terlalu jadi kaya gini sih, menurut perhitungan gw...
ya karena itu tadi alasan nya...
emang kita udah kenal lama, dah tahunan lah...
kita juga udah deket, gw nggak pungkiri itu...
tapi yah semenjak gw merasakan rasa itu,
belum terlalu banyak lah hal yang udah pernah kita bikin bersama...

seharusnya sih mudah untuk lalui dan menyakal hati,
bohongi diri kalau rasa itu tak pernah ada...
bohongi semua dengan statement,
kalo gw nggak bakal pernah jatuh cinta sama temen deket...

selama beberapa hari ini juga kayanya berhasil...
gw gk sms loe, gk nanya2 kabar loe...
nggak cari2 alasan buat ada waktu ngobrol biar semenit...
nggak puter lagu yang ingetin hati tentang loe...
udah... beneran... udah kaga...

tapi kenapa yah...
terbakar rasa hati ini...
hari ini setelah dengar...
kalo kamu ada yang deketin...

bajingan,
gw dah kaya ABG gini sih... lol


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

so when i wrote a note of love

i think i was born with this hopeless romantic nature.
so when i wrote a note about love,
please dont ever think that im a Casanova,
coz im just trying to put my imagination into words...

i think i was blessed with this,
but then it reminds me of Peter Parker,
" Its my power, its my curse... "
so when i wrote a note of love,
i understand clearly when you think that im in love..

i might be in love while writing this note,
but there are probabilities that i just wrote it after several rounds of beer...
so who knows?? you dont.. sometimes neither do i...

when you think that im in love with you,
maybe its true...
but maybe im just being nice because youre sweet..
and for such a sweet person you deserve to be treated nicely..

its okay for you to judge me,
but dont make it to hasty...
coz maybe, maybe im actually in love with you...
why not give love a chance?
so why no, i dont know, do you?


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

A Friend

U came to me when you are down,
Just like the sun set on the west...
after shining for the whole day...
just to find a shoulder to cry at...
a comfort place to share all your troubles...

Im here...
I will always be here...

U are away for several days...
for several week...
without any news or whatsoever...
Its ok, no problem,
we are friends..
and as a friend i can understand your situation...

U came back and acted like crazy,
u smell like shit,
and you just cant hold your self,
calling me, crying...

I said, its ok... dont you worry too much...
smile, at least u still got me here right??

U said, im the best you ever had,
and gave a kiss on my cheek,
saying thank you for always being there for you...
and being so nice and kind...

-----------------------
Sometimes this things passed my mind,
as stupid as it might sounds,
but i think its true
coz my heart whispered it clear...

"Should I smile because we are friends?
Or cry because we'll never be anything more?"
------------------------


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

tonight is tonight's

i know what you feel about tonight
but i really want to suggest you
its better for us not to be into this kind of a relationship

before we went further
i just want to make this clear
tonight is tonight's

i will not say something to assure you
like when i kiss your lips tonight
then tomorrow we will be together forever..

but i dont really want to force you, of course
to be inside this situation
im sorry but i just want to have a company
about tomorrow, leave it for tomorrow

dont get me wrong,
youre awesome tonight..
i like the way you did your hair
and i love the way you wrap your body with that dress,
a jaw dropper i might say..

but it stopped just right there,
well we can continue a lil bit further,
coz all this merely just an attraction,
an attraction towards your outer appearance...

if you dont mind,
i just want to give our selves some more time,
to get to know each other more...

coz deep inside my heart
i dont want to stand here with you the whole night,
and just forget you tomorrow..
i believe you understands what im trying to say...


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

˙˙ǝʇɐl spuoɔǝs ⇂⇂ ʇsnɾ ǝɹnoʎ

lol ˙˙ʇı dlǝɥ ʇuɐɔ ı ʎɹɹos :sd

ǝɟɐuɐɯ ˙ƃ suıʌǝu

`oxox




˙˙ǝʇɐl spuoɔǝs ⇂⇂ ʇsnɾ ǝɹnoʎ
˙˙uǝʞɐʇ uǝǝq sɐɥ ʇɹɐǝɥ ʎɯ ʇɐɥʇ ʇno punoɟ ʇsnɾ noʎ

˙˙ɥsǝlɟ ʎɯ punoʍ uodɐǝʍ ʇɟıʍs ɹnoʎ ɹǝʇɟɐ
˙˙ʇɐǝʍs ǝɥʇ llɐ ɹǝʇɟɐ
˙˙noʎ ɹoɟ ʎɹɹos lǝǝɟ ı ʇnq

˙˙sʞɔıɹʇ ʍopɐɥs ǝɥʇ
˙˙suodɐǝʍ ʇɟıʍs ǝɥʇ `suoıʇod ǝɥʇ
`ǝɯ uo ʞɹoʍ plnoʍ ʎlǝɹns sʞɔıɹʇ ɹnoʎ llɐ
ʎǝɹd ɹnoʎ oʇ op oʇ pǝsn n ƃuıɥʇ ǝɥʇ op puɐ
ǝɟıl ʎɯ oʇuı ǝɯɐɔ noʎ

ǝɹns ɯı ʇı ʇɐ pooƃ ǝɹnoʎ
op noʎ ʇɐɥʍ ǝʌol noʎ

˙˙˙ɹıɐ uıɥʇ uı ɥsıuɐʌ ʇsnɾ puɐ
ʎɔɹǝɯ ou ǝʌıƃ
`ɥƃıɥ ǝʞɐɯ oʇ uoıʇod ɐ ʇnd noʎ
`ɹǝɔnpǝs ssǝɔuıɹd noʎ ʎǝɥ

˙˙˙ɥɔnod ɹnoʎ oʇuı ʇɹɐǝɥ ɹǝɥʇouɐ ppɐ puɐ
ɥƃnoɹɥʇ ʎɐʍ ɹnoʎ ʎɐs noʎ
ɯıʇɔıʌ ǝq oʇ uoos ɹnoʎ ǝǝs noʎ uǝɥʍ
pǝuuıɹƃ noʎ ʞsɐɯ ɹnoʎ puıɥǝq
`ɹǝɔnpǝs ssǝɔuıɹd noʎ ʎǝɥ

˙˙ʇuɐʍ noʎ ʇɐɥʍ ʇǝƃ puɐ
pıɐs noʎ ʇɐɥʍ pıɐs noʎ
`suoıʇɐlnƃǝɹ ɹou sǝlnɹ ʎq pǝpunoq ʇou
`sʍopɐɥs ɟo ʎɹǝʇsɐɯ ǝɥʇ uı pǝuıɐɹʇ llǝʍ ǝɹnoʎ
`ɹǝɔnpǝs ssǝɔuıɹd ʎǝɥ

Hear me whisper...

nev please stop it,
i dont want to be stocked in the middle of this conversation no more,
you keep on saying it as if being friends with me is not enough for you,
as if being this close is not enough nev...

-------------------------------------------------------

i know..
i totally understand..

each time we are into this same conversation,
it seems that our friendship got compromised...
its not that im not aware of it..
but let me tell you this little secret of mine..

each night before i met you,
there always this argument...
an argument between me and my alter ego,
argument about this feeling deep inside my heart...

to be totally honest with you,
i like you...
its not like i like you, i like you..

to be totally honest with you,
i think im in love with you..

its not that i want to compromise our friendship girl,
its also not that i want to bring this friendship into a new level, no, not that...

it is not only that i want to be happy with you when you feel happy...
but to be with you and be your source of happiness...

it is not only that i want to be sad with you when you feel like sad...
but i always willing to feel with you your deepest insecurities...

it is not only that i want to be always there when you need someone to talk with...
but i want to always be there around the corner even when you dont need anyone to talk with..

so i rather talk to you all over again,
than to just bury my feelings in the depths of my heart...
i rather hear you saying no,
than to just lost in curious silence...

Hear me whisper...
i love you..


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

¿noʎ ʇǝƃɹoɟ ı uɐɔ ʍoɥ ʇnq

ǝɟɐuɐɯ ˙ƃ suıʌǝu
60ᄐ0⇂0~

…ǝʌol ɹnoʎ ɟo uoısnllı ǝɥʇ pǝʇsɐʇ ı uǝɥʍ
ʎɐp ʇsɹıɟ ʎɹǝʌ ʇɐɥʇ ǝɔuıs
…noʎ ƃuıʌol uo dǝǝʞ puɐ

'noʎ ǝʌol ı ʍoɥ uo
'snoıɔsuoɔ ǝɯoɔǝq noʎ ʎɐp ǝɥʇ lıʇun

…lnos pǝʞɔǝɹʍ ʎɯ ɟo sǝɔǝıd ǝɥʇ dǝǝʞ ǝɯ ʇǝl uǝɥʇ
'ǝɯ ƃuıʌol ʇɹɐʇs oʇ noʎ ɹoɟ ʎɐʍ ʎluo ǝɥʇ s’ʇı ɟı

…ʇɹɐǝɥ ʎɯ ǝɔɹǝıd sʍoɹɹɐ puɐsnoɥʇ ɐ ʇǝl uǝɥʇ
'ǝɯ ʇnoqɐ ƃuıʞuıɥʇ ʇɹɐʇs oʇ noʎ ɹoɟ ʎɐʍ ʎluo ǝɥʇ sı ʇı ɟı

…ʎddɐɥ ǝq oʇ ɹǝɟɟns ʇɹɐǝɥ ʎɯ ʇǝl uǝɥʇ
'ǝɯ ƃuıssıɯ ʇɹɐʇs oʇ noʎ ɹoɟ ʎɐʍ ʎluo ǝɥʇ sı ʇı ɟı

…ƃuıʌɐǝl ɯ’ı ʇɐɥʇ ʎɐs oʇ ǝɹnɔǝs uı ʇǝʎ
'ʎʇǝıxuɐ ɟo spnolɔ ʞɔıɥʇ ɥʇıʍ pǝɹɹnlq uoısıʌ

…noʎ ɯoɹɟ ʎɐʍɐ dǝʇs ʇsɹıɟ ǝɥʇ ƃuıʞɐʇ uı ʇuǝpıɟuoɔ ʇnq
'noʎ ʇnoɥʇıʍ ǝɟıl ʎɯ ǝnuıʇuoɔ oʇ ƃuılǝǝɟ ǝnƃɐʌ ɐ

…noʎ ǝʌɐǝl oʇ pǝʎɐʍs ʇnq
'noʎ ʇnoqɐ ƃuıʞuıɥʇ doʇs uo uıɐʇɹǝɔun

After a while

your awesomeness..
your charm...
your unspoken language...
all of the above just perfectly glued my attention to you...
everything seems so celestially arranged,
just for the two of us...
without so many words you just enter my world,

but it all started when we are in this relationship,
things are not the same as before...
after a while,
the respect and love just dramatically changed
changed into merely "you cant live without me!" thingy..

i had enough with you bullying me to end all this,
i had enough with a sorry after you shout a load of harsh words,
i had totally enough with you...

i beg your pardon...
but i think you deserve someone better...

i beg your mercy...
but this is really really hard...
to have this kind of relationship between you and me...
specially when my heart is now actually...
out there with someone else...


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

I will never wish that things will be as it used to be

i want to feel your lil hand sweats between my fingers..
ill blow it gently.. we look at each other..
and we both chuckles..

i just want to sit there with you,
sit and listen to the wind whispering mildly..
enjoying each others presence,
and just sunk on this feeling so comfort...

i never wanted to turn back the hands of time to be there once more,
but will not mind to have another year waiting for it to happen..

i never wanted to bring you back to the very place it started,
but rather will take you to someplace new..

i will never wished that things will be as it used to be,
but wished things to be more exciting that it used to be...

coz youre still the very reason i wrote this note on this first day of the year,
and it will always be you..

happy new year dear...

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Dengar dulu aku bicara

Nev,
hanya pengen kasi tau kamu..
karena aku pengen banget kamu mengerti..
bukan pengen menuntut suatu makna..
apalagi untuk memaksa..

Nev,
hanya aku penasaran,
sama yang aku baca kemarin,

Nev,
bukan nya semua perbedaan yang ada,
justru di ciptakan untuk melengkapi...
tapi kenapa justru perbedaan itu yang bikin kamu,
bikin kamu merasa jauh...


Nev,
bunga diciptakan indah,
dimanapun ia tumbuh,
dia dapat memancarkan keindahan nya...
dan dunia akan merasa kehilangan keindahan,
kalau sang bunga berhenti berharap...

Nev,
bukan nya semua manusia di ciptakan,
di ciptakan secara adil oleh sang pencipta...
masing masing dengan keindahan tersendiri,
masing masing dengan kelebihan dan kekurangan nya...

Nev,
waktu aku baca tulisan kamu
sejenak terlintas dan merasa itu aku,
tapi cepat ku hapus lagi,
sebelum semuanya terlalu jauh dalam angan,

Nev,
seandainya kamu mau sedikit jujur,
dan seandainya memang itu aku,
maukah kamu menyapa aku,
waktu kita bertemu...

Nev,
seandainya kamu mau sedikit terbuka,
dan seandainya memang itu aku,
maukah kamu memegang tanganku,
memegang tanganku dan menarik aku dekat dekat...

Nev,
seandanya kamu mau mencinta,
dan seandainya memang itu aku,
maukah kamu mendekapku erat,
seolah tak ingin kamu lepaskan lagi...
seraya berbisik di telinga ku,
bahwa kamu sayang sama aku..

Nev,
seandainya kamu mau dengarkan aku,
dan seandainya memang itu aku...
aku mau bilang...
kalau aku di sini...
selalu menanti saat itu terjadi...


XOXO,

Me

Karena kita memang berbeda...

hari ini,
kembali terlintas kamu...
iya kamu...
terlintas begitu saja,
entah mengapa,

aku tersenyum...
karena kamu..
iya kamu...
kamu yang entah mengapa,
terlintas sejenak...

menyejukkan hati,
laksana embun pagi...
yang lembut menyentuh,
memberi kehidupan...
menyejukkan jiwa...

namun engkau terletak jauh di atas sana...
tergapai angan pun tak kuasa,

karena aku...
seperti bunga duri aku tumbuh liar di tepi tebing tajam berbatu,
hari ini ada, besok mungkin tiada..
yang hanya dari jauh ku mengharap kehidupan menyapa,
menyinari relung kosong jiwa...

takkan ku berkata "mungkinkah"
takan ku berharap "akankah"
takkan pernah terpikirku "sanggupkah"
karena kita memang berbeda...

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Pengen Foto Kamu

Iya aku pengen banget foto kamu,
secara selama ini kita nggak pernah komunikasi,
yang ada hanya aku...
aku yang ngeliatin fb kamu...
foto2 kamu...

Iya aku pengen banget foto kamu,
soalnya waktu aku liat foto foto kamu itu,
rasanya seperti pengen aja fotoin kamu...
lagi... lagi... lagi... dan lagi...

Iya aku pengen banget foto kamu,
soalnya aku pengen kamu bisa liat,
dan juga rasakan...
bagaimana kamu lewat mata ku...

Iya aku pengen banget foto kamu,
biar aku nggak usah susah susah cari...
dah langsung punya deh...
senyum kamu... ;)

Iya aku pengen banget foto kamu,
supaya aku nggak kaya sekarang ini,
kangen banget...
apalagi...
waktu liat...
kamu nggak di fb lagi...


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Promise on the door

Its always dark on that hall,
no sun light can penetrate the wall that surround it,
only a shed from a dim light...

standing tall a thick dark brown door,
separate the dark hall with one room...
a room with several people inside...

i still can recall their faces one by one,
as they howl and cry to the Lord...
asking and waiting passionately...

they scratch the door a word,
something that i cannot forget...
a promise... hope...
and it is written..

Molave A26
GOD WILL GIVE US JUSTICE

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

in remembrance of my fellow comrades
in Molave Hell.

Roses Are Red

I dont feel easy,
my mind started to wonder,
about things that is somewhere high..
so high that i was floating..
between the grass and the leaves

but i just simply hate everything about you and me,

now each time i fell in love,
i just dont have any idea,
whether it was a blessing,
or a curse...


and why should it be you..

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Voice of Indonesia

if you are a part of something,
or something is a part of your past,
chances are,
memories sometimes flashed on your mind,
and when it did happen,
you can choose either to just let it go,
or you can give a big smile, and do something...

my days in Voice of Indonesia are far behind,
around year 2003-2005,
all the good and bad memories are now packaged in one,
as something that i can look up and smile at...

im happy to be once a part of a family,
consisted of persons of unknown origins,
but molted in one as we do things together,
and started calling each other brothers and sisters..

happy bday Voice of Indonesia,

i hope you will continue to spread your wing even wider,
even lots of trials and tribulations ahead,
but as God has already lead us in the past during my time,
i still believe that the same God will lead all of you this time.

from your forgotten member,

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Cant Get Over You (Yet...)

i want to just go, slipped away and leave you,
in a blink then, forget all the memories about you,
leaving behind all the traces of tears,
and just start something with someone new...
but i cant get over you... at least not for today...

i want to run and jump...
i want to grasp the puffy clouds,
i want to just soar high and higher...
but then like a fallen angel i failed to fly..
coz my feet still entangled with you...
with the memories about you...
with all the tears we have shared...

Give me potion of healing
an antibiotics for my feeling,
a chemotherapy for my longing soul...
for me to be able to show love once again,
but, i cant get over you... at least not for today.


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Tribute To My Hero

Heroes,
their body and soul might die,
but not the memories about them...

Heroes,
they might be ordinary persons,
but they have made extraordinary things possible...

Heroes,
they might not be someone famous, rich, or powerful,
but they are able to touch every heart around them

--------------

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?
Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.

For I am convinced that neither death nor life,
neither angels nor demons,
neither the present nor the future,
nor any powers,
neither height nor depth,
nor anything else in all creation,
will be able to separate us
from the love of God
that is in Christ Jesus our Lord

-----------------------

A tribute to my Hero
in remembrance of his 1 year death

-----------------------

Thanks for introducing me to something,
something i can hold into,
something that even the sting of death cant overcome,


XOXO,
Nevins G. Manafe

love trap

So many times,
i have fallen into this love trap,

it was like a drug addiction,
you know you will feel bad later on,
but still you go for it,
you know it will consume your soul,
yet again you keep on coming back...

They said its stupid to be in love,
people said its crazy to be in love,
My ol' Grand Mother said thats insane!

but...

its better for me to be a fool to fall for you,
its better for me to loose my mind to be with you,

and Grand Ma,
its better for me to let go all my sanity,
to be traded with that one love...

that one love that i have been waiting for so long,
that one love that always appeared on my dreams,
that one love that i felt,
when i am with you...

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Red Old Bike

Miles and miles of traveling,
On my red old bicycle,
with the highest determination,
just to see you today...

i woke up the household early in the morning,
they asked, "Where in the earth are you going this early??"
but they doesnt need any answer,
when they looked at this flower,
wrapped in a clear plastic,
and a big red ribbon that i made last night attached to it,
they understood...

ahh,
i have been preparing this special moment for you,
just to see again that look in your eyes...
that smile in your face...

i passed the street that morning,
some of my neighbor are walking out for fresh air,
i waved on them, they waved back at me,
and smiled, when they saw that flower,
wrapped in clear plastic, with a big red ribbon on it,
in front of my red old bicycle...

each person that i met along the way,
they smiled, when they saw the flower...
coz i believe that they know the purpose of that flower is for...

after several hours,
then i arrived at this place,
a place of your choice...

im so happy and delighted,
still on my bike,
i scouted around,
to look for a face,
the one i love the most...

then i saw you sitting on a bench,
with a really cold face...
i parked my red old bike aside,
still the flower attached in front of it...

i asked you whats going on,
silent is what i got as an answer...

then in a sudden i heard your voice...

"Honey, i think our relationship need a break...
I cant take it anymore...
all of this long distance relationship stuff created so much pressure...
i cant concentrate on my studies, on my work...
plus, youre so demanding for my affection,
a something that i am to tired to share with you...
im drained with all my study and work,
and all i need is a break..."


I stunned wordless...
cant say even a word...
time stopped...
as if this whole world crumbles...

i walk to where i parked my red old bike,
took the special flower that i have prepared last night,
the red ribbon still attached to it,
with all the blessing of my family and friends this morning,

i took the flower,
and walk back to you...
handed it with care to your hand,
and rushed to turn around,
without saying anything...

coz i dont want you to see the tears in my eyes...
as i walk back to my old red bike...
the one who understands more about the true meaning,
the true meaning of love, determination, and commitment...



XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Love beyond Love

while i walk trough that dusty market,
a distracting image passed my eyes,
Not because of what they wear,
Not because of their appearance,

that phenomenon shook my heart,
oh what a lucky man i said...

he walks with two walking sticks on his arm pits,
those legs just hung loose,
no power to move it,
not even a finger...

i dont know since when it happen,
that those two legs stop functioning,
what i know is that,
the other person next to the man...

with all humbleness,
under that burning sun,
she helped this man to walk,
followed him wherever he goes,

with her plastic cup she walks
asking donations from one person to another,
just for their meal this afternoon...

did she knows that this kind of thing will happen??
when they are just two happy and strong young man and woman,
when making vow to each other,
"For better or For worse" ??

is this something that i heard in the myth called "Love beyond Love" ??
"till death do us part, maybe??"


have you ever love someone like this before?
or maybe being loved by someone this way?


XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

Almighty, Lead me

In the midst of bewildering state of affairs
When emotions have more power over mind
Irrationality over rationality
Insanity over sanity
Past over present
Nowhere to run, nor a place to hide…

When hope is nowhere to be found
Knees are too weak to withstand
The sky seems dark and gloomy
Sun refuse to shine,
The moon hides her face under the shadows…

And as if it wasn’t enough yet,
I heard a voice yelling, storm is coming
Storm is coming…

Oh Almighty,
Shelter in the time of storm,
You have known me, when I was still in the womb
You have known me even before I existed
You own the past, the present and the future
Only on Thy mighty hands I rested my weary soul
I will always remember Your plans for me,


“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Almighty,
“plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”


XOXO,
Nevins G. Manafe

On a Coffee Shop

sitting next to you on a coffee shop,
listen to every bit of words that runs down from your mouth,
like wind blowing the grass on a wide field of dreams...

looking deep into your big brown eyes as you talk,
and pretend to stare outside the window when you looked back at me...

it must have been so hard, you can hide it from me,
but...
but the tears at the corner of your eyes cant...
they told me just the truth,
truth about a painful past,

time can just passed by,
but...
you might not know but i noticed your face expressions,
you might not know but i noticed your shaking fingers,
you might not know but i noticed you...
you might not know but youre gorgeous tonight,
with or without your eyeglass on..

so,

wipe them tears from your eyes,
im here with you...

put your hand in mine,
so it wont shake that much...

erase sad expressions from your face,
and put back life on your smiles,
forget about yesterdays,
prepare for tomorrow,
by holding tight to present moment,
on a coffee shop as we sit and talks,
and let time passes by...
like a river of no return...


~130509

XOXO,
Nevins G. Manafe

Just A Smoke Away

boleh saya duduk disini?
sebentar aja.. ngga akan lama..

menutup mata,

mencari udara..

sekali ini, menata memori..

tentang kamu,

tentang saya..

setahun yang lalu.

**

ditemani sebatang rokok,
vanilla milkshake,
dan blueberry cheesecake..
dengan beberapa linting ingatan..

kembali masuk ke detik itu,
tanpa mesin waktu..

dimana saya, didepan kamu..
terbata-bata, mencari jawaban..
pada saat itu..

"..mau kamu apa?"

**

ini bukan yang kamu mau, saya tau!
tapi untuk bisa bertahan disini, kamu tidak sekuat itu!

"kita ngga bisa ngerubah semuanya.."

dan mulai detik itu,
kamu dan saya..
hanya sebuah penggalan kisah lama..
cerita tua, yang saya ingin sekali lupa..

**

kemudian.. disinilah saya,
menikmati setiap detik memori yang masih ada..
membiarkan ingatan itu menari diatas pikiran saya..

untuk kita,
untuk saya,
untuk kamu..
saya rela masuk ke detik itu, tanpa mesin waktu..
kali ini, mulai menghapus memori..
tentang kamu, tentang saya..

mencari alasan untuk penguatan..
untuk melupakan..

cerita itu,
cerita lalu..

demi hati saya yang baru.

(100509)
~ Candra Dewayanti

1 message sent...

I grab my phone
go to Menu
go to message
create a new message

"Hi, how was your day?" :)
"I hope things r great."

send
browse name
i typed J
there u go...

1 message sent...

my phone rang..
its a notification message...
telling me that my previous sms was successfully delivered...
delivered to her number...

1 minute...
my heart was pumping heard...
oh boy.. what will be the reply...

5 minutes...
excited, maybe she is typing a long message,
maybe she got a really nice story to share...

10 minutes...
maybe she is taking a bath...
well its hot today...

15 minutes...
or... em... maybe her phone is in silent mode

20 minutes...
she might be on her bed already...
ill wait for her reply tomorrow...


--------

to be continued...



~022609
Nevins G. Manafe

i typed... ups a typo...

dear diary,

it has been three days since that day
and finally i got her phone number
im so happy about it, who doesnt...
and there goes my very first txt...

a bit awkward tho,
its a corny one i supposed,
coz i just sucked at this kind of things,
specially when it comes to reality

i typed..
and delete it again...
i typed..
and delete it all over again...

just one txt,
yet that ritual happened repetitively...
i typed... ups a typo...
and delete it all over again...


diary,

u know...
last night before i went to bed,
i whispered her name for the first time in my prayer,
tho i cant spell it right...
but i understands that God knows what im saying...
and where to send that angel i have asked..
to guard and give comfort...
so she could pass the night in sweetness...

tonight right after this,
ill went to bed again...
whispered her name in my prayer...
but this time ill have it right ...

00 0 0 00 00 0 00 0 0


~022509
Nevins G. Manafe

Talk less... do more...

when uncertainty lurks
and give you a chill
expectations started to kicked in
resulted maybe's and what if's
may or may not be...

he is just a hungry young poet
what can he do to change the world of ours?
he is just that...
what can you expect out of him...

ah love...
true is all what they have said
but that is just the half of it...

coz true love were made out of nothingness
as bold and as pure as a baby born
clean sheet of paper..
the smell of a clean towel after a soaking cold rain...

they said that there are things that just doesnt meant for each other
but happily there are things...
there are other things that just meant for each other

It just come into my sense
I just can feel it...
and that is each time...
each time when you are around...


~250209
Nevins G. Manafe

Dazzling second Impression

Oh how i love it when i feel like now
this emotion that spiked my veins

this is not the first time we met, i assumed
but for sure this is the first time i noticed your charm...
not a love-on-the-first-sight thingy maybe...
yet its a dazzling second impression...

pardon my guilty eyes for adoring the beauty of you
i just cant help it...

Ah... let me redeem my so captivated-by-you heart...
i just cant bear it no more...
let me go... release me...

this lovely feelings tortured me...
ohh... im so into you..


~022409
Nevins G. Manafe

Love hard, or die tryin

they told me that flying is unworkable
they told me that flying is impracticable
but no matter how impossible it is to fly
i will keep on trying..
and wont stop believing
that one day, somehow...
the time will come...
when i can actually fly
and beside you is where i am going...

i wont care for the bruises
i wont care for the scars

no matter how much sweat
no matter how much breath

being with you is what i wanted for sure
even it means stepping into impossibilities

just give me some time to practice a bit...
to prove that gravity is nothing for me...
if it is for you...


~022209
Nevins G. Manafe

Still waiting for you

it has been moons since the last time i saw your glimmering eyes
compassionate eyes that reflects so much love
eyes that can calm even the gloomiest night
and bring the sun back into its orbit
turning the cold season of rain
into a full of warmth summer

how long will you take your time?
dont you know how much that i miss you?
oh how i longed to wrap this two arms around you...
gently run my fingers through your silky long hair...
and spend my time hours and thousand of hours
just to stare at your bright moonlight face...

can you still remember the times
when we both just fall into each other on a beautiful silence?
on a garden full of flowers...
under the magnificent leaves that grows upward...

come back home honey...
im here waiting for you...
still believing in our love...
even if its just a scattered dreams for now...
come home...
ill be waiting in Jakarta...

Happy belated Valentine's Day

~021709
Nevins G. Manafe

Reading between the lines

lesson learned through bitter incident
on articulating feelings...
wild thoughts and feelings
better to be locked up deep inside
or hide it under your closet...

but gifted eyes persons really do exist
and you are one of them...
possessing Byakugan of the Hyuuga or Sharingan from the Uchica
that can read between the lines
and i am embarrassed to realize
that even without saying a word
you can interpret easily what my feelings are

just a glimpse is all you needed
to take and make a decision...
run to a save distance...
and even building walls between us...

i believe that you have a good judgment
judging book from its cover doesnt apply for you
on a glimpse you not only can see the cover
a chapter or two in usual...

the thing is...
my book is not merely a chapter or two...
you wont love me in a glimpse
but who knows afterwords?


~130209
Nevins G. Manafe

Pieces of the puzzle

never could i understand much
nor could i comprehend
the night where the answer seems so far away
unthinkable...

but when i tried to remember things one at a time
connecting one dots to another
bring back each piece of the puzzle
then i started to understand...

one piece of puzzle at a time
slowly carefully arranged
inside the frame of my life
bit by bit...
pixel by pixel...

try to look back a bit,
to the rearranged pieces of the puzzle,

and... ahh...
the way to the green pastures
is through the shadows of the valley of death...

ohh... i see...
that really love moves in a mysterious way

how lucky...
that back then i lost you

how blessed...
that after all these tears...
i finally found you...


~021209
Nevins G. Manafe

The true unedited figure of me

oh my sinful flesh
my soul damned inside this cursed body
trapped with no escape wheresoever
each bit of it is nothing but a lust intention

a dark ugly monster
with two pointed sharp-as-spear horns
rebellious and seditious
the true unedited figure of me

who can help me out of this wrecked prison
no one, i said no one,
not even me, how much more you...
im tired of trying...
i quit... i gave up
im a loser at it best..
pathetic and useless ...

signed the death contract
sealed with my own approval and deeds
basically on an un-save-able state
im sinking in the mud of my very own filthy manners

im sick dying hopeless
desperate...
bleak...
doomed to failure....

until...
until i heard a name...
just a whisper of a name...
heard from a distance...

Jesus...

Jesus...

Jesus...



~07 02 09
Nevins G. Manafe

Thursday dew drop

you came ahead of the glory Thursday morning rays
even earlier than the Rooster calling for the sun
you are an answered morning prayer of prosperity
to sooth and bring comfort to a lonely and abandoned soul

Dew drop...
will it be just today?
or will you come again tomorrow?
will you be gone wiped by the tide?
will you be gone evaporated by the cruel earth
or will you stay?
stay to sooth and comfort a lonely and abandoned soul...

nothing that i can offer to make you stay
coz i have nothing left in me..
not a secure life on a palace,
nor a bed of roses...

all i have to offer is
to love you with all my nothingness
to protect you with this two hands of mine
to share love with this two eyes...
and to love beyond just love...

will it only be today?
or will you stay?
will you be here on Friday?


~02 06 09
Nevins G. Manafe




Not just Friday
I'll be here all the way
Even if I don't have reason to stay
Promise, I'll see you everyday

I'll be here forever
Only yours, forever

Forever we will stay together
You and I, together

(020609)
Patricia Jeanny Suwu


There is nothing left to be spoken of,
You know almost everything about me,
My ins and out,
the goodness in me as well as my deepest dark side of me

I saw your still image on my grey cloudy mind,
Still and calm standing…
Now as I am blinded by you..
Nothing that I can hear but to listen to my heart…

(020609)
Levina Avissa

Tale of a Hero

This morning 9am we rushed to the hospital because the ICU team called me,
When we arrived, daddy is ok, but the doctor told us that his condition is not ok..
We started singing, and telling encouraging words from the bible,
He can still communicate with us, and nodded when I recite psalm 23,
He knows that his Redeemer lived,
He probably knows more than I do…

He nodded when I said I love him so much,
And thank him for introducing me to Jesus,
And all his care for me throughout my years…

10am the chaplain arrived,
He gave a short morning devotional,
And said.. “Pastor Edward, we are going to pray for you…”
My dad crossed his hands and put his fingers together…

The chaplain started to pray…
And in the middle of a prayer… my dad passed away…
He closed his eyes while talking to his Heavenly Father…
His Heavenly Father whom he has served for more than 30 years,

I shed no tears, because I know his Redeemer lives, my Savior and my King...
This is what sin can do, but I have hope to what my Jesus can do.
I believe in a full confidence that Jesus will call my dad, by his own name when He comes…

“Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things,
I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy Lord.”


~300508
Nevins G. Manafe


a tribute to:
† Ps. Dr. Edward L. Manafe

But still You love me even more

Understanding my heart is Your specialty
You remembered me on each time droplets
You just gave up anything for our relationship
as if that is the most important thing in this whole world

as the time goes by
the love pulse is still there
not only just there
but it beats even stronger...

even all the time since we are together
all I did was hurting You..
betraying Your heart is my specialty
doing things behind your back
almost becoming a daily habit...

over the years together
i have been nothing but a heartless animal
but still You love me even more
ah... Your pure heart...

Im trying to be good,
as good as i could
but everything seems impossible
like trying to dry the ocean with a tea spoon

You know me so well
that there is no secret that i can hide from You
but even after knowing all my deeds
the love is still there...
and it makes me feel even guiltier than before..
there is nothing that i can do..

but You came to me with a smile
with arms wide open You hugged me...
You whispered something that i will never ever forget...
Nev... youre forgiven...


~020409
Nevins G. Manafe

a sparkle of a love glitch

"somethin is goin on that im not sure of
the tickling feeling deep down under
as if i have been possessed by you
and i cant let go no more"

i wont blame you for loving me behind his back
coz im not sure if im doing the right thing either

for sure its a bumpy road!
its not fair for him

but will you lied to your self on what you felt?
about what you felt when your hand in mine?
about what you felt when your head rested in my shoulder?
the comfort we felt is real

im almost sure that im wrong
but it will be worse than wrong if i lied to my self
by not telling you the truth about my feeling towards you
about what i feel when we hugged
about what i felt that night when you gave your first kiss on my cheeks

will something good comes out from a wrong start?
im trying to believe that this cud happen
we will never ever know
unless we tried to walk the forbidden path
the path that illumined by a dim light
a sparkle of a love glitch
in the middle of this crazy world!

~072008
Nevins G. Manafe

Nevinizm

Hypnotized i am
in a blink captivated I
Enthralled by definitions
by entranced words through your voice

Spellbind am i
deeply charmed on
Fascinated as i tried to recall
spellbound puzzled words
put under your arms
Awestruck on a pointless end
as if im rapt and bind
engrossed, gripped, absorbed...

ahh im Nevinized by you


~010209
Nevins G. Manafe

Because I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be loved by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be missed by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be cared by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be always in someone u love's mind?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be praised by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be caressed by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be kissed by someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to have a testimonials from someone u love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to have your picture on the wallet of someone you love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be adore by someone you love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

How does it feels like to be the idol of someone you love?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

--------------------------------------------------

How does it feels like to be loved wholeheartedly?
please someone tell me coz I've never known such feelings...

~031907
Nevins G. Manafe

another cup, for being a fool

once in a while...
a deep breath taken...
just to awaken...
my subtle-restrained mind...

staring blankly...
as i grab the warmth...
and move my lips to the tip of the cup...
trying to inject some dose...
just to awaken...
my subtle-restrained mind...

tired about things in the past
that imprisoned me
to a certain bitter situation
haunting me like a grim reaper with a scythe
cut me so deep... and i bleed...
so deep that i can even smell on my spilled blood..

ah... another cup please...
i wanted to stay awake...
i dont want to fall a sleep...
coz i dont wanna be caught off guard...
dreaming about my past...
dreaming about us...
and about that moment...
for me being so foolish...
to let go a true love...
in exchange of a fake diamond...

another cup please...
for being so stupid...
that i have to stay awake...
on so many restless night...

~013009
Nevins G. Manafe

drifted

why are you so far away
far away that my naked eyes cant see you
my ears cant hear you
and there is no trace of your scent wherever...

why are we so drifted away
that your eyes cant see the tears in mine
your ears cant hear me calling your name
nor can you smell my scent

what dream are you chasing, my love
what is that so important that you go after
what is that so meaningful that you left
more than our laughter
more than our good times together...

its not that you left - hurts me,
but the way you left did,

its not that you forget - tortures me,
but the reason behind it did,

its not that i hate your dreams
and wish that it wont come true
but it just that...
after me searching on your dreams,


i cant find me inside them...


~ 01 22 09

is it just me being insensitive??

Edit

is it just me being insensitive??

by Nevins G. Manafe on Thursday, January 22, 2009 at 8:52am

what is your reason?
are you out of your mind?
you must be insane...
please stop this madness!

what?
im just tryin to live a normal life..
is that too much to ask?
if my decision is to forgive her,
then why it bothers you so much?


forgive me, i dont have any intention to assault,
nor any motives to cornered you...
i just want to make it clear from the beginning..
youre bothered because you dont want me to be friends with her because of her,
or youre bothered because you dont want me to be friends with her because of you??

we have been friends for quiet some time,
we have passed some rough time in our friendship..
but still the relationship endures until today...
and if its possible then let this be forever...

but tell me one thing,
coz i have noticed that something has changed,
you did changed (in a good way)
the way your eyes sees me,
the way you talked,

honestly i enjoyed it...
thats why you chaged (in a good way)
but is it just me?

is it just me being insensitive??
or...??

Enigma

For myself, certainly I think
For my own part, I believe
For, perhaps, after all
For this reason, indeed, it is
For the sake of my argument
For so it generally happens
For, in truth, if you please to recollect
For observe what the real fact is
For, perhaps, some one may say
For is it not true
For it is not right to...

From one point of view we are
From the circumstances already explained
From the standpoint of
From this statement you will perceive

Had I time for all that might be said
Had my limits allowed it
Hardly less marvelous
Hardly will anyone venture to say

Have I exaggerated?
Have you ever noticed?
Having thus described what appears to me

I am by no means certain
Neither should you deceive
Occasionally you ought to read
Of this truth I shall convince you by

~ 01 20 09
Nevins G. Manafe

even if i know...

I never understand why things always turned ugly at the end,
I try to evaluate myself and tried to find the answer,
But it seems I’m just walking around the bush…

It started only as a joke, (its a song)
Yet all those little things that happened between us,
Sparked a fire in my heart…

I know that im not the only one,
You felt the same way…

But there are too many differences between both of us..
At first I, as always, I was blinded…
But then the rational ideas take over the irrational

Im sure about my feelings, I’m falling for you,
What I am not sure is, how I can handle those feelings,

At First I always blame people who took someone else’s lover
I cursed all of them; especially them who toke mine away…
But …

Love could happen anytime, anywhere, even at the time and place that you never expect!
It infects any one; no one is immune to its deadly stings,
Any status, rich or poor, old and young… and even me…

I fall in love with you,
I still hold your hands, even when I know that someone is hurting …
I still hug you, even though he is bleeding because of my action…

“ gue nggak bisa nyalahin loe yang ngeduain dia,
gue juga nggak bisa nyalahin gue yang nggak peduli dengan status loe…
satu yang gue tau, cinta bisa datang kapan aja…
ke siapa aja… dimana saja.. “

~01 18 09
Nevins G. Manafe

Song Bird

oh you lonely song bird,
tell me your tale... i wanted to know...
why are you still alone...
how long has it been? some time or just a pace of a sand clock?

where are you heading anyways ...
maybe there are chances that we are walking to the same direction..
coz i will love to hear your hipno-paralyzing voice...
that stunned my heart bit by bit...
scrambled my blood stream...
drive me insane...
turned me into berserk mode...

mercy... mercy me...
have mercy on me...

~01 15 09
Nevins G. Manafe

forever after eternity

there will never be a second past...
without your presence in my heart...
the still image of your being...
in the wall of my inner mind...

just as a drop of dew in the morning...
each day your smile freshen my soul...
tho its only me imagining...
but that's good enough for me...

i still believe that one day we could be together somehow...
even all the facts are against me...

and death himself will face a fierce fight...
before he can take away my love for you...

tho i cannot have you...
no one can take away my feelings for you...
not even you, the one i love the most...

leaving me wont change a thing...
ill still be true for you...
and put my alignment to whom my love will serve...
forever after eternity...

so tell me now...
how can i forget you...??


~14 01 09
Nevins G. Manafe

Dark Room

In a dark room I seated in front of my laptop typing,
Words that just popped up in my mind,
Mind full thoughts, thoughts that wanted to be released,
Out of this skull and skin into the thin air..

It’s been months I haven’t seen that clear blue sky,
That’s how long I have been seated here in the dark room,
Like a broken bulb waiting for someone to come,
Come and fix me and turn me on once more,
To shine not as bright as the stars in the night,
nor as a sun in the middle of a clear summer day,
but as a bulb that serve a purpose,
a specific purpose, to light the dark room,
a dark room where I have been seated for quite some time,
Waiting for you to come, fix me, and turn me on once more...


~01 13 09
Nevins G. Manafe

short season of happiness

i love it...
as if i have someone to love,
someone to share my dreams with,
someone who adores me in a reciprocal way,
someone who i cannot call my own,
yet a simple hello from her could shed light in my eyes,
and her ability to tickle my heart,
even just through my laptop screen,
just enough to make me feel unforgotten...

it is just too short...
i have to go back to my routines,
and left aside things between the two of us...

nicely written on my life page,
the trails of sweet memories...
about you and me,
on a short season of happiness...


~happy belated new year
~xoxo

a reflection of me

to understand is to gain more sadness and grief,
another restless night of loneliness,

its a point of no where in the middle of the darkest hour,
is to long for another soul that will love you back,
even you fully understand that its an impossible request,

but the more it shackled with fine iron of impossibility,
the more did my heart rebels against reality ,
against the circumstances,

this chilled icy breath of emptiness,
is one of the symptoms of a deadly plague called loneliness,

loneliness to have a touch of morning rays once more…
on an icy dry-dead land called heart…

~010309
Nevins G. Manafe

but how can i forget you??

Uncertain on stop thinking about you,
But swayed to leave you…

A vague feeling to continue my life without you,
But confident in taking the first step away from you…

Vision blurred with thick clouds of anxiety,
Yet in secure to say that I’m leaving…

If it is the only way for you to start missing me,
Then let my heart suffer to be happy…

If it is the only way for you to start thinking about me,
Then let a thousand arrows pierce my heart…

If it’s the only way for you to start loving me,
Then let me keep the pieces of my wrecked soul…

Until the day you become conscious,
On how I love you,

And keep on loving you…
Since that very first day
When I tasted the illusion of your love…

~010309
Nevins G. Manafe

you tell me...

i passed your roads that once a glimmering place of joy and merry,
your gates that once a stronghold to find refuge now abandoned,

seven years ago if i am allowed to recall,
i have seen you as a dream place to be…
with colorful banners hung up up on your blue sky of freedom…

oh look at you now…
youre a place of thieves and bandits,
ghost and ghouls stayed on your shadows…
smells of death comes out from your water fountain…

you tell me lady,
which one is the first brick to start building this ruined place?

you tell me lady,
where is the borders of your walls to work at?

you tell me lady,
with me alone, bare handed… will you allow me to put you back together again in one piece?

will there be a chance to put those towers back in place they used to be?
coz i dont care how much sweats and tears it takes…
coz i dont care how much time it takes…
coz i dont care how much cost it takes…
coz i dont care how much risk it takes…

if it requires me to pour all my sweats and tears to do it, then so be it!
if it requires me to give all my time to do it, then so be it!
if it requires me to spend all the cost i got to do it, then so be it!
if it requires me to take all the risk to do it, then so be it!

if it requires me to give up all i ever have to do it, then so be it!

~010309
Nevins G. Manafe

Lady Bug

my happy lady bug hoop on the twig,
runs your fingers on last night dew drops,

no yesterday’s problems will drag your mood down,
on the twig, yes on the twig, where you started to take off..
and fly around the sky as if its your own…

your tiny world inspires you,
and make a spring in your heart…

teach me lady bug,
to go on each day with a new thought,
and positiveness..
without thinkin and asking why "i am not a butterfly"

youre a lady bug,
simple and true,

fly me to your twig,
and show me what you got on that little stash like…
a magic powder puff?
or a mirror to look at the reality?

XOXO,

Nevins G. Manafe

a pearl on the mud

seated there for how many moons i dont care,
blended with mud all over i dont care,
stomped by people who passes you by i dont care,
spitted at i dont care,

you are a pearl,
yes you are…
a white pearl seated on a mud on the street,
forgot the identity of the real you… a pearl…

i have seen you as a pearl…
and i got to convince you about being a pearl…

stop thinkin that youre just an imitated gems…
no youre not that honey…
you are a pearl in my eyes…
and let me convince you about that…

i want to speak to your heart,
if you let me to…

funny how things happened between us today…
i dont know if things will turn out just right…

there is no pit so deep that we fall into that we cant come back…
and i am willing to walk that dark path of struggle with you…
hold my hands…
and lets start our first step…
towards the light at the end of the tunnel…

~122808
Nevins G. Manafe

When you said that you don’t want to hurt me (You’re right)

You’re right, you’re right all along…
When you said that you don’t want to hurt me,

Then I supposed to give my ears to listen,
With a big heart to accept the fact…

But is it really the fact,
Or is it a lie to hide your true feelings towards me?
Is it really a fact?
Or its just a cloak to hide your fear?

now let me just stand still on the cross road,
Where we once met,

and wait for your heart,
To believe all my motives,
And consent it as pure and true!

will you say hi after you have said goodbye?

~12 27 08
Nevins G. Manafe

Ill remember you as one of the greatest, but..

Sad to say I'm only in your life for a couple of days,
and i dont have more hours left to stay..
I have been trying to be true to my self and to you,
since the first day you said hello,
until this very second i hit the save button on this facebook note..

no no,
im not mad at you, not even a slight anger,
its just that this is the end of the road for us..
it is firm as if it is embossed on a steel plate,
im leaving...

we have reached this path that we should say goodbye (now),
last hug will make it lighter for today (thats really ok with me),
but im sorry to say that our last kiss is a month ago (let us keep it there),

coz today...
i dont wanna kiss you when both of us know that it will be the last,
and let the last kiss with passion be still on its place,
hidden in a beautifully dark agony...
as we start calling each other by name...

~25 12 08

you even think that i am possessed

i told you i am just a typical geek,

"as iffffffffff"
"u r anything but "
"u r like a poet"
"stealing girls heart"

since when?
a poet?
are u sure u are not mistaken me for someone else?

"since alwaysssss"
"oh don't fool urself"
"u know who u are"

who am i?
what i know is that im just a typical geek,
u know, computer guy,
stick with the monitors and cables..
and hellow, do i have any gal around me for this several years?

"wateverrrrrrr"
"u dont have to have an official girlfriend to be a poet n steal girls heart"
"even more so maybe ur geekiness is just a mask"
"hiding away the casanova soul that is you"

oh wow, this is radically new
can u proof what u just said?

"cmon"
"all the things u have written on ur blog over the years"
"how is that geeky"
"you're always writing about chicks"
"inspired bout chicks"
"ur like a love poet"

that is the actual mask that covers my geeky-ness
nobody ever told me this, u know (i lied)
and u just surprised me (another lie)
and what is the base of your opinion, beside the blog?

"well just how u are"
"way u speak about ur past relationships"
"how u can easily make friends with chicks"

hey hold on, when is that exactly again?
is it in one of my dream?
can u read dreams (like one of the cullens?)

"ur quite a charmer"
"i don't know if thats a good thing or not"

---------------

this is kind of weird,
yet im flattered badly,

forgive me for being such a love poet,
i have never meant to stole anyone's heart,

but if i did,
i will gladly return it...

----------------

Let me argue myself

For you my heart sings a love song,
It’s your name my lips keep on chanting,
Funny how my soul could spell each letter with melody…
Wrap it all in a beautiful noise…

I want you to hear my heart,
But your ears are too busy to listen…
Let me argue myself,
Before you accuse me…

I won’t ask for a chance,
Coz I might screw it…
What I’m asking from you is a time,
A time to let you know,
To know about me,
About me,
And how I love to sing…
A song for you…

~191208
Nevins G. Manafe

Suddenly Your Txt Msg Popped

hey its a date way back in several years ago,
i can remember vaguely about our conversations,
things are not really like what i expected to be,
tho its still one of my so called perfect date,

i remembered when we watched that movie,
its "How to loose a guy in 10 days",
the movie sucks right?
yeah i think so, coz i just dont want u to loose me,

and one or two days after that date,
suddenly your txt msg popped in my phone,
well i forget what day is that exactly,
but i still remember clearly when it popped,
and its like, "i love u nevz"

several year passed,
until tonight you, yes its you...
you just popped up in my YM! Buzzed me up,
painted your finger all over my wall,
and it reminded me of your txt msg, dated few years ago..

so how are you?
where have you been?
ahh, so many questions to ask,
so many questions left unanswered...
this pass few years... ahh...
and now you are leaving again,
as if manila is not that far yet..

but before this night ends,
i have a confession to make,
a late reply of a statement that popped up few years ago,
i havent asked you why u said so, but well.. yeah, i love u 2

"nevs, even tho we don't talk all the time, our friendship hasn't changed..."
"and that's why i consider u as one of my best friends."
"and that's why i felt comfortable telling u that."

actually i dont want to know why u said so,
its just that i want to let u know that i do love u 2,
it might be a bit late, but..
i have always been wishing that we could go out on our second date,

i really dunno how it gonna happen,
but miracles do happen if you just believe...
i believe in miracles...
so just prepare yourself for that day...

"Sunduin mo ako?"

yes i will, when that day comes, ill popped up in your front door,
with a dozen of red roses!

A Phase

they said its a progress,
i said its just a phase..
just like a caterpillar taking some times inside its blanket,
and latter popped lil miss Tinkerbell out..

they said its magic,
i said dont get to excited...
it might only be like a trance, you might get dizzy afterward..
addiction is bad u know.

they said congratulations,
i said, not so fast mate!
Coz everything is fair in love and war..
make sure its love, not a disguised cold long hurting pain in the arse!